The Culture of the Invisibles, doubt you’ve ever heard of us. It’s a section of society that is very unusual, a society full of members who don’t actually know each other. Probably the vast majority reckon/believe that they are the only member of this particular club. Everyone knows someone who is a member. Think about it. You know someone who is shy, quiet, uncomplaining, endlessly patient, will queue without sighing, put up with impossible situations (that make them very unhappy). Many of the members of this club are the people you can always rely on to help out whether it’s in a crisis or just to wash up all the coffee mugs in the staffroom. The person that always has a plaster, knows the phone number of a plumber in an emergency, will water your plants/feed your cats while you’re away.
Have you ever stopped to think about this person? Really think? Why is this person always so quietly willing to help, do routine chores no-one else will do, put up with unpleasantness, be so reliable? You may think ‘well, they’re shy, lacking self-confidence, is actually a bit of a doormat, never really thought about it, who did you say ……………
Do you think this person is happy?
I’ll let you into a little secret. Happiness doesn’t come into it. There are many reasons and yes some are content to be as they are but for every one that is I would be willing to bet that there are several who aren’t. It’s quite horrid being invisible. One has to live with the feeling of always being puzzled, of feeling stupid, of not belonging, not fitting in anywhere. How come everyone else knows what you don’t know, where did they learn the secret of how to be a part of life?
The very worst part of being a member of the Invisible Club is the loneliness. You feel desperate to be a part of the ‘normal’ world but given the chance you would be gripped by such an overwhelming feeling of fear, would smile a little smile and politely and quietly decline but all the time inside your head you’re screaming ‘yes please, I would love to be with you all, I don’t want to be on my own.’ But always the fear wins and you remain one of the Invisibles.
Wednesday 31 March 2010
Saturday 27 March 2010
A Letter to my Sixteen Year Old Self
Dear me at sixteen,
I know you are feeling miserable and have no idea why but its not you but an illness called depression. No-one recognises that teenagers can get it, they all think you are a moody difficult young person. But you’re not, you’re actually quite ill. I’d recommend you see a doctor but that would be a waste of time as the doctors don’t recognise it either. What I will advise you is not to make any big decisions like what you’re going to do/be for the rest of your life. You really do have time on your side though I know you can’t see it. You think – and probably because of your teachers and parents are putting pressure on you to make a decision – that you really have to decide now but you don’t and anyway you can always change your mind. Whatever you do decide now is no more than a stepping stone and there’ll be many many more of those over the years. Stop being so afraid of everything, it really will all work out in time and time is something you have a lot of. Opportunities will arise. Take your time. You’re not happy in school so leave, get a job, you can always take up your education later on when you’re ready. You’re not ready now that’s a fact. You’re too unwell to make any lifelong decision, get a job that will give you something to do and some money to live on and then just take it all one day at a time. Don’t pin yourself down with anything, you’re too young and far from ready for anything like that. Yes, life at home is miserable right now but none of it is your fault. Your dad, he’s ill too with the depression, he can’t help the way he is any more than you can. Get out as much as you can, have as much fun as you can.
I know your mother wasn’t the most tactful person when you came home with your ‘o’ level results saying you could have done better. We both know that it was a miracle you did as well as you did. Don’t blame her though, she’s just inherently tactless and is also totally unaware of it. Look at the things that are going well for you and at the talents you do have. You have grandparents who are always pleased to see you, you can sew beautifully oh and so much more. Never mind about that lot at school, once you leave you’ll never see them again.
Remember you were born on a Thursday and Thursdays child has far to go. you may not think it now but the possibility of seeing the world is there so keep that dream of travel there and be ready.
Love from Me much later in life.
I know you are feeling miserable and have no idea why but its not you but an illness called depression. No-one recognises that teenagers can get it, they all think you are a moody difficult young person. But you’re not, you’re actually quite ill. I’d recommend you see a doctor but that would be a waste of time as the doctors don’t recognise it either. What I will advise you is not to make any big decisions like what you’re going to do/be for the rest of your life. You really do have time on your side though I know you can’t see it. You think – and probably because of your teachers and parents are putting pressure on you to make a decision – that you really have to decide now but you don’t and anyway you can always change your mind. Whatever you do decide now is no more than a stepping stone and there’ll be many many more of those over the years. Stop being so afraid of everything, it really will all work out in time and time is something you have a lot of. Opportunities will arise. Take your time. You’re not happy in school so leave, get a job, you can always take up your education later on when you’re ready. You’re not ready now that’s a fact. You’re too unwell to make any lifelong decision, get a job that will give you something to do and some money to live on and then just take it all one day at a time. Don’t pin yourself down with anything, you’re too young and far from ready for anything like that. Yes, life at home is miserable right now but none of it is your fault. Your dad, he’s ill too with the depression, he can’t help the way he is any more than you can. Get out as much as you can, have as much fun as you can.
I know your mother wasn’t the most tactful person when you came home with your ‘o’ level results saying you could have done better. We both know that it was a miracle you did as well as you did. Don’t blame her though, she’s just inherently tactless and is also totally unaware of it. Look at the things that are going well for you and at the talents you do have. You have grandparents who are always pleased to see you, you can sew beautifully oh and so much more. Never mind about that lot at school, once you leave you’ll never see them again.
Remember you were born on a Thursday and Thursdays child has far to go. you may not think it now but the possibility of seeing the world is there so keep that dream of travel there and be ready.
Love from Me much later in life.
I found this on the Grandparent site I belong to. I thought you might find it particularly interesting Michael.
.Home
Learn to write and tell stories with Bookbite
Nancy Duin 4 February 2010
Hobbies for grandparentsNew-bornPre-schoolPrimary schoolGrowing upPre-teensTeensPrinter-friendlySend to friendPDF
Want to take up writing, research your family tree or learn how to tell stories to your grandchildren? Here's a new way to help you start.
Kate Kinsella (right) – grandmother of nine and great-grandmother of five – published her autobiography at the age of 85. Writing has always been a passion for the retired nurse, but it wasn't until she was 70 that she wrote her first life story – of a friend. To make her writing more satisfying, she signed up for a computer course at an Open Age Centre in London, where she lives, and now visits her local UK online centre twice a week, emailing friends and family abroad.
According to Booktrust, the independent reading charity, many people over 60 are, like Kate, keen to write their memoirs or write fiction or research their family tree but are unsure where to start. They also, say Booktrust, feel that they haven't got the skills or confidence to use computers and explore writing and reading possibilities online.
Bookbite
So Booktrust have come up with a project that they hope will change all this: Bookbite. Through this, they want to encourage England's over-60s to discover new authors and genres, try a range of creative writing activities and interact with others online to share stories and book reviews.
The free Bookbite magazine is available, in England only, from more than 175 organisations (including Age Concern), libraries and UK online centres. It can also be downloaded from the Bookbite website (see below). Celebrated writers such as TV and radio poet Pam Ayres, former poet laureate Andrew Motion and crime writer Val McDermid have contributed stories and poems, and there's lots of useful advice, support and competitions.
And of particular interest to grandparents, the magazine contains an article giving story-telling tips to help you share stories with children.
A useful BeGrand.net link
You and your family history – pass it on
In her blog, Keri tells how she wrote her life story for the two twin granddaughters she's raising
Some useful websites
Bookbite
www.bookbite.org.uk
Includes short stories, poetry, an online writing club and a reading group, book lists, 'How to' guides, downloadable activity sheets, competitions and an online writer in residence.
Digital Unite – home tutors
http://tutors.digitalunite.com/
Sends professional computer tutors to your home to help you learn on your own computer. The service isn't usually free (but investigate Get Digital if you or a learner you know lives in sheltered housing and may qualify for free tutoring).
UK online centres
www.ukonlinecentres.com
The more than 6,000 UK online centres provide people with access to computers and the internet, together with help and advice on how to use them.
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.Home
Learn to write and tell stories with Bookbite
Nancy Duin 4 February 2010
Hobbies for grandparentsNew-bornPre-schoolPrimary schoolGrowing upPre-teensTeensPrinter-friendlySend to friendPDF
Want to take up writing, research your family tree or learn how to tell stories to your grandchildren? Here's a new way to help you start.
Kate Kinsella (right) – grandmother of nine and great-grandmother of five – published her autobiography at the age of 85. Writing has always been a passion for the retired nurse, but it wasn't until she was 70 that she wrote her first life story – of a friend. To make her writing more satisfying, she signed up for a computer course at an Open Age Centre in London, where she lives, and now visits her local UK online centre twice a week, emailing friends and family abroad.
According to Booktrust, the independent reading charity, many people over 60 are, like Kate, keen to write their memoirs or write fiction or research their family tree but are unsure where to start. They also, say Booktrust, feel that they haven't got the skills or confidence to use computers and explore writing and reading possibilities online.
Bookbite
So Booktrust have come up with a project that they hope will change all this: Bookbite. Through this, they want to encourage England's over-60s to discover new authors and genres, try a range of creative writing activities and interact with others online to share stories and book reviews.
The free Bookbite magazine is available, in England only, from more than 175 organisations (including Age Concern), libraries and UK online centres. It can also be downloaded from the Bookbite website (see below). Celebrated writers such as TV and radio poet Pam Ayres, former poet laureate Andrew Motion and crime writer Val McDermid have contributed stories and poems, and there's lots of useful advice, support and competitions.
And of particular interest to grandparents, the magazine contains an article giving story-telling tips to help you share stories with children.
A useful BeGrand.net link
You and your family history – pass it on
In her blog, Keri tells how she wrote her life story for the two twin granddaughters she's raising
Some useful websites
Bookbite
www.bookbite.org.uk
Includes short stories, poetry, an online writing club and a reading group, book lists, 'How to' guides, downloadable activity sheets, competitions and an online writer in residence.
Digital Unite – home tutors
http://tutors.digitalunite.com/
Sends professional computer tutors to your home to help you learn on your own computer. The service isn't usually free (but investigate Get Digital if you or a learner you know lives in sheltered housing and may qualify for free tutoring).
UK online centres
www.ukonlinecentres.com
The more than 6,000 UK online centres provide people with access to computers and the internet, together with help and advice on how to use them.
Average:
Select ratingPoorOkayGoodGreatAwesome
PoorOkayGoodGreatAwesome.
No votes yet
Monday 22 March 2010
Undoing the shackles
Over the last few weeks, I've been putting some concentrated effort into finding a way to break non-productive links to the past, corners I've painted myself into, and I've just found a helpful poem by Mary Oliver:
This and more of Mary Oliver's work are in her collection, Dream Work
.
The Journey:
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice----
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world
determined to do
the only thing you could do----
determined to save
the only life you could save.
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice----
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
"Mend my life!"
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world
determined to do
the only thing you could do----
determined to save
the only life you could save.
.Tuesday 16 March 2010
A Day Out?
Where does one go, what does one do with the unexpected opportunity for a day out?
There are so many decisions to make it’s an indecisive person’s nightmare.
First of all is there enough money to go anywhere at all? If not then that limits the outing to somewhere local, within walking distance, in theory that should make the decision a bit easier. A walk in the park or the local nature reserve, visit the library or maybe walk along streets you don’t normally use and examine other peoples house fronts and gardens. You could give them points out of ten for attractiveness, good taste, tidiness, cleanliness etc knocking points off for 'needs a coat of paint.' 'not enough flowers,' I’m sure you can think of better ideas than I have!
It gets much more difficult if there is some money to spend. Is it enough to get you somewhere AND to buy a drink and/or a meal at the other end or would you need to take a picnic? You decide on a picnic but have you enough food in the cupboard – suitable food – for a picnic? Where did you store that flask and picnic bag?
You’ve make some sarnies, added some fruit and made some coffee (you found the flask and the picnic bag at the back of the cubby hole under the stairs under the camping equipment and sleeping bags), you pile into the car with umbrella – just in case – camera, binoculars, rucksack for the above, warm coat, sun lotion – just in case – bite cream and mossie spray. Now where do you go?
Where’s the map? In the boot under the picnic bag, spare boots, warm coat ………………
You find the map, open it up, close your eyes and stab the page with your index finger. Oh. Mmm. This is going to much easier than you thought.
You unpack the flask, the picnic bag, umbrella, sun tan lotion, bite cream, mossie spray, camera and binoculars, pour yourself a drink from the flask, open your packet of sandwiches, get your book and settle down in comfort on the sofa.
A picnic at home, what a novel idea!
There are so many decisions to make it’s an indecisive person’s nightmare.
First of all is there enough money to go anywhere at all? If not then that limits the outing to somewhere local, within walking distance, in theory that should make the decision a bit easier. A walk in the park or the local nature reserve, visit the library or maybe walk along streets you don’t normally use and examine other peoples house fronts and gardens. You could give them points out of ten for attractiveness, good taste, tidiness, cleanliness etc knocking points off for 'needs a coat of paint.' 'not enough flowers,' I’m sure you can think of better ideas than I have!
It gets much more difficult if there is some money to spend. Is it enough to get you somewhere AND to buy a drink and/or a meal at the other end or would you need to take a picnic? You decide on a picnic but have you enough food in the cupboard – suitable food – for a picnic? Where did you store that flask and picnic bag?
You’ve make some sarnies, added some fruit and made some coffee (you found the flask and the picnic bag at the back of the cubby hole under the stairs under the camping equipment and sleeping bags), you pile into the car with umbrella – just in case – camera, binoculars, rucksack for the above, warm coat, sun lotion – just in case – bite cream and mossie spray. Now where do you go?
Where’s the map? In the boot under the picnic bag, spare boots, warm coat ………………
You find the map, open it up, close your eyes and stab the page with your index finger. Oh. Mmm. This is going to much easier than you thought.
You unpack the flask, the picnic bag, umbrella, sun tan lotion, bite cream, mossie spray, camera and binoculars, pour yourself a drink from the flask, open your packet of sandwiches, get your book and settle down in comfort on the sofa.
A picnic at home, what a novel idea!
Monday 1 March 2010
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